What’s a song lyric that has stuck with you forever?
At the end of the upstairs hallway lies the door to the bonus room. Just looking down the hallway at it is unsettling; it’s the scene in The Shining with the two creepy twins. The walls bow out, reality flees, I hear ominous music.
It’s a huge room, it could be a really cool place to chill. Instead, it’s a graveyard of castoff junk by the family. Toys, books, busted appliances that I’m supposed to fix, boxes of old cards and letters. Cleaning it out is always on my mind.
Last week, I took another shot at it. I walked past the creepy twins and into the morass. I told myself grimly I’m not gonna leave until I clean out at least one box of cards and letters.
At first, it was easy; old Christmas cards, birthday cards, receipts and warranties “I might need someday.” Then I came to a keeper birthday card; but instead of putting it in the retain pile, I made the mistake of reading it.
It was from my friend at UF, Kip.
Hoo boy.

Kip was one of those people you naturally warm to, the kind that put you instantly at ease. I met him my first day at UF. I was sitting alone in the quad, studying the campus map, when he and three other kids came by. He broke his conversation and stopped. He looked at his friends, then me.
“Hey,” he said. He stuck out his hand. “I’m Kip.”
I shook his hand. “Hey. I’m Darryl.”
“We’re going to Baskin Robbins. You wanna come?”
I looked at him and his companions…noting two attractive girls…and didn’t hesitate. By the time we’d finished our ice cream, I knew we were going to be good friends.
He was like a brother, the guy you’d call at 3:00 am. We had our own vocabulary and assortment of inside jokes. We had long discussions about life at our favorite pub.
One passion we shared was travel, wanderlust, an itch to see what was just over the next hill. With limited funds as students, all we could do was dream, but our dreams were ambitious. Backpacking through Europe. Studying abroad. The Appalachian Trail.
But every summer, life intervened.
He wanted to be a lawyer…or, rather, he was expected to be a lawyer. His dad was a partner in a successful firm and from the time he was in middle school, his path had been set. Every summer break, he worked at his dad’s firm, while I put off backpacking in lieu of interning at IBM.
But someday, we swore. Someday.

We often studied together and usually had music playing. We had similar tastes, but our Venn diagram of favorite artists had a lot of non-intersecting space. One day, I took a Monkees album out of the sleeve and blew the dust off.
“The Monkees?” he laughed. “The Prefab Four?”
I put the album on the turntable and lowered the arm. “Just wait,” I said. “I just want you to hear this one song. It’s called Door Into Summer.”
He stopped writing as the song played. When they got to a certain lyric, he looked at me strangely. It was a curious mix of apprehension and defiance.
With his travelogues of “maybe next year” places
As a trade-in for a name upon the door
And he pays for it with years he cannot buy back with his tears
When he finds out there’s been no one keeping score
“Man,” he said. “That can never be us. No way.”

After graduation, I started my career with IBM and he joined his dad’s law practice. We both worked hard, long hours but as junior employees had little vacation time. It was a reversal of our student days when we had plenty of time, but no money.
He lived in Fort Lauderdale and I lived in Boca Raton…about 30 minutes apart… and we’d often meet after work for a few cold ones. Our discussions would invariably return to our student daydreams of well-stamped passports and George Bailey-sized luggage chests.
When I got married a few years later, Sue and I took a cruise in the Caribbean. Afterwards, Kip and I sat on the dock at a restaurant on the Intracoastal and he stared at my photographs. He flipped through them several times and then stared at me.
“When are we gonna go to Europe?” he asked quietly.
It was a question to which we both knew the answer.

One happy hour on the dock, he pinched the bridge of his nose tightly and muttered to himself.
“You OK?” I asked.
He closed his eyes and continued his pinching. “Yeah, he said. “I’ve just been getting these friggin unbelievable headaches. Sometimes things look blurry, too.”
In the weeks that followed, the headaches continued. He started to notice phantom odors and had trouble with fine motor skills. I grew alarmed as he began to see specialists.
Our meetups dropped off and he began to dodge my calls. A few weeks went by; one day his mom called and told me he was in the hospital. His voice sounded weak, scratchy and our conversation uncharacteristically lagged. “Hey,” he said after a few minutes. “I gotta go. Here’s my dad.” I don’t remember much of that conversation except for one word: glioblastoma.
I wanted to come visit him, but he begged me not to; I think he wanted me to remember him as he was. I continued to call, he sounded weaker each time; nothing was working. One day I called and the hospital operator said they didn’t have a patient by that name. Everything blurred as I hung up.

I often wonder what life would be like if he was still around. He’d probably be married, maybe a few kids; and even though we never got to be young bon vivants in Europe, sampling beer and chasing girls, hopping on and off trains, I could see us taking our families to cool places and the two of us, immensely satisfied, raising our glasses to the Glory Days at UF.
But that’s not possible and he’s been gone 35 years now.
I put the card in the keep pile, got up and closed the bonus room door behind me. No more for today.
So long, my friend. Guess we ran out of tomorrows.

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Powerful. Nice circle from the unattended room through the unattended life, back to the unattended room 👌
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Thanks, Ana! Glad you liked it! 😎🙏
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Great writing as always.
I had a favorite T-shirt that said, “Life is uncertain; eat dessert first.” When it wore out, my wife had another one made for me.
Like almost everyone, I wore it more than I lived by it. But there were times; they are now great memories. Now in my 80s, there is a conflict between dessert and a healthy diet. Now and then, I let dessert win.
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Ralie, LOVE that! A very wise saying. 😂👌So nice that your wife had another one made specially for you… that’s truly kind. I’ve got some fav T-shirts that are either I just like or are lucky. If my team is losing at halftime, I’ll run upstairs and put on my tattered Gator shirt from circa 1995 and dang if they don’t score in a few minutes…
Thx much for reading and the great comment… much appreciated! 😎🙏
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Tearjerker brother… Oy vey
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Thanks! Yes, it was really sad…all those years of studying, passing the bar, just beginning to finding his lane on the freeway of life…and outta nowhere…bam 😢😮💨 You only have a few friends like that.
Thanks for reading and the kind words… much appreciated! 😎🙏
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You wrote this so well, Darryl, powerful and fluid; living it must have been so much more difficult. I can only imagine the pain of having such a close friend and losing him like that. So sorry, my friend.
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Your story gave those Monkees lyrics a weight they probably never had until life caught up with them. One lyric that’s stayed with me is from Pink Floyd: “Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.” It’s amazing how a line from a song can become attached to a season of life or to a person and every time you hear it, you’re right back there. Thank you for sharing Kip’s story. It was a beautiful reminder that the people we love never really leave the songs that carry them.
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