Hello, HGTV?

I put the sander down and stepped off the ladder. My arms were like noodles after all the overhead work, and everything was covered in a thick layer of fine white powder. I looked around; no sign of my team. Sigh. Just another day on the job site.

# # #

My wife starts her morning routine in the upstairs bathroom. She usually brings up a cup of coffee and talks to her mom or sister as she’s putting on her makeup. It’s the one time during the day that she has to herself.

Nobody from Better Homes and Gardens would be calling to do an article on it. It’s got cheap linoleum flooring, walls with scuffs marks and dents, and an ugly wall cabinet I put up 15 years ago. The huge mirror is from the mid-90s and the accent wallpaper we put up was curled and mildewed.

I suggested last year to my three daughters that we do a bathroom remodel for a Mother’s Day present. They thought it was a great idea, so we approached it using basic Project Management stuff: Defining a scope; establishing a budget; and so forth. Planned delivery: May 14th, Mother’s Day.

We started on a Saturday in April with my three master craftsmen in high spirits. First task: Remove the “Country Harvest” accent wallpaper that was in last in style during the Clinton Administration. I explained that it was my job as the Project Manager to merely observe them in the crowded bathroom, that they would actually be doing the work. They glanced at each other with narrowed eyes as I handed them putty knives and damp sponges.

Two hours of hard work and they were done. The middle one excused herself to use the restroom and was not seen again; we later learned she fled to her boyfriend’s. The remaining two helped me remove the quarter-rounds and then pull up the linoleum flooring.

Our first “scope creep” (unplanned addition to the project) was introduced; a section of rotted subflooring from a hidden leak. This repair would take me the rest of the day, so the remains of the antsy crew were excused.

The following weekend, we primed the walls, removed the giant mirror, the ugly cabinet, and the toilet. I went to the garage for painting tape. When I came back, I found Scope Creep item #2, a gaping hole in the wall. One of them thought the way to remove the towel rack holder was to simply bash it repeatedly with a hammer. Another free afternoon as I ran to Home Depot.

I chronicled our efforts on Facebook; here are my notes from late May:

Project Update 23 May 2023. Sadly, Mother’s Day has come and gone…new unveiling: “Memorial Day Makeover.” Team interest and participation slipping badly.

Kid #2: “I can’t help, me and Matt are going on a walk”…completely understandable, as the sidewalk will be gone tomorrow.

Kid #3: “I have to go to the grocery store with Mom to see if I might want to get a job there.” Also perfectly valid.

Nonetheless, me and Kid #1…who has been promoted to Assistant Project Manager…knocked out quite a bit today. She was impressed with my ability to hide mistakes and cosmetic blemishes.

The rest of the project followed a similar path, and by the end, I was pretty much on my own. But credit was given to all when the completed project was finally delivered to the delighted client on July 4th weekend.

Post-Project Wrap up:

• On time? Not unless July 4th counts as Mother’s Day
• On budget? No, but I know some of the Home Depot people by name now
• Did I have fun with my kids…teach them a few things…would I do it all over?
  
  A resounding Yes 🙂